Recently I was able to provide the gift of surrogacy for a dear friend of mine. It was an amazing journey, but it was never something I intended to share online with a large audience. My mind was instantly changed after an elder at the church, Bob Spotts, did a teaching on the subject of being a servant…
So many people have asked how I decided to become a surrogate, the story goes back to when my husband (Brian) and I decided to start our family. I lost my first pregnancy back in 2015 during the first trimester. We were completely devastated; this was something that you never prepare to face. Once we decided to start trying to get pregnant again, I remember questioning if my body could carry a pregnancy. Would I ever be a mother? Could I ever have a baby? After we lost that pregnancy, it took me several months to get pregnant again — which is not a long time in the infertility world, but it felt like a very long time for me. I ended up getting pregnant with my beautiful daughter, Olive. She is such a creative and wonderful kiddo. When she was about 9 months old I got pregnant again with our son, Roland. At birth, we discovered that Roland has Down Syndrome. I remember those first few weeks after he was born I would go to sleep and wake up not remembering if the diagnosis is a dream or real. Brian and I didn’t know much about Down Syndrome and we worried if we could do this. We grieved for the child we thought we were having and we didn’t know if we could ever come to terms with the child that we had. As I sit here reflecting now, I’m thankful for so much, especially Roland’s health. Nearly 6 years ago, we thought Down Syndrome would take away our happy life. Truth be told, it was just the beginning of living life. It took Roland to help us appreciate all that life offers.
We went through some tough times during our own pregnancy journey, but I believe that God showed us that we have so much to be thankful for and to really appreciate how amazing the gift of life is. So when a dear friend of mine was no longer able to carry her own child, they looked for other ways to grow their family. They went through a few years of trying foster-to-adopt. They opened their home to a number of children only to have them taken back by a distant relative. It was very hard for them, but they understood that the goal of fostering is for the family to reunite. Then they decided to look into private adoption, but just as they started pursuing it, COVID hit the scene. Not only is adoption expensive, but during COVID the wait time for placement was greatly extended. Then they had someone else offer up the idea of being a surrogate for them, but this sadly fell through.
I remember praying for our friends during this time…praying that they would find another surrogate and hoping someone would show up for them. And then my prayers turned inward…what if I could take action and not be a bystander? I said to myself, “Pregnancy is hard, I can’t do this.” But truth is we can do the hard things. When all is said and done, it's not what you possess, but what you do with what you possess that really matters. We have eyes to see people the way that Jesus sees us. This is when I decided to be a surrogate.
All of this brings me back to what it means to be a servant. During a recent teaching at our church Bob shared the story of “Life Is For Service”: The Words That Inspired Mister Rogers. We all know Mister Rogers from the children’s TV series Mister Rogers' Neighborhood. He was such an amazing servant leader. Just like Jesus’ leadership was grounded in relationships, Mr. Rogers never seemed to be concerned about his feelings or how he was treated. His focus seemed wholly consumed by being a servant, specifically the emotional welfare of children. Service is an act of love and worship. Being a servant can be contagious, that’s why I’m sharing our story. My hope is that you read this and realize that you can help someone. Your act of service doesn’t have to be big. Sometimes the smallest things can have the largest impact. I encourage you to watch Bob’s teaching on servant leadership HERE.
There were so many rewarding parts of my journey as a servant. To see the new baby joined with her parents after years of praying and planning was profoundly beautiful. To know that I made it happen and was able to serve them was the best feeling in the world. Being a surrogate was an emotional roller coaster that I don’t regret riding one bit.
-Stephanie Prange